TO:  All Concerned                                            FROM: Homeward Warrior   DATE:                    CMT 1

 

 

 

       Issued in solemn warning to the friends and family of ____________­­­__________,

On this the ________  day of ________ 1983.

 

   In approximately ____ days from the date of warning, the individual listed above will once again be in your midst, dehydrated, demoralized, and de-Americanized. He will be eager to take his place in slightly delayed pursuit of happiness.

 

   In making your joyous preparations to welcome him back into organized society, you might consider certain precautions to make allowances for the crude environment he has suffered in during the past _____ months. He might be a little Asiatic from Koreanitis and\or Overseasitis and must be therefore be handled with extreme care. Therefore, take note of the following list of circumstances that might indicate infection of these rare tropical diseases, but DO NOT BE ALARMED! Just act as if these are natural occurrences.

 

SHOW NO ALARM IF:

 

1.   If he insists on carrying a plastic weapon with him at all times.

2.   If he lounges around in sandals and towel.

3.   If he prefers to squat rather than sit in a chair.

4.   If he slyly offers to sell cigarettes to the mailman.

5.   If he pours gravy on his desert at dinner.

6.   If he wakes you up in the middle of the night to pull guard duty.

7.   If he answers all questions with “Moo-La”.

8.   If he mixes peaches with Seagram’s 7.

9.   If he prefers to eat his meals out of cans with chopsticks.

10. And, if he leaps out of bed, at the sound of either a siren or ringing telephone, staggers about yelling “ALERT, ALERT”, jumps into a passing truck, and disappears into the woods to set up primary and alternate defenses positions.

 

   The key thing to do in these circumstances is to humor him. Be tolerant if he insists upon digging up your garden to fill sandbags for the bunker he is building in the driveway, after all, it’s been a long tour. Keep your cool if he tries to buy everything at half price or less, and accuses the local storeowners of being thieves. Relax, if he runs and hides at the sight of a military policeman particularly after midnight, or if he stands in the bathroom for hours on end, flushing the toilet and yelling “WATCH OUT IN THE SHOWERS”. Yours is the most difficult of tasks because his rehabilitation rests solely upon your shoulders. If he asks you for an overnight pass and starts looking for the sign-out book, play along. If he should

 

 

DISPOSITION FORM

For use of this form, see AR 340-15, the proponent agency is TAGCEN.

 

REFERENCE OR OFFICE SYMBOL                      SUBJECT:

 

                                                                                                Notice of Return to the World

 

TO:  All Concerned                                            FROM: Homeward Warrior   DATE:                    CMT 1

 

pick up the telephone and says ‘This line is not secure” or “Out Here”, comment that he is doing an outstanding job in this section.

 

   Never ask why the Jones’ son held a higher rank than he did, and mak no flattering remarks about how exotic Korean delicacies such as Ramyon, Kimchee, and Bul-go-gi. And above all else, do not ask him what 7000 won will buy, as the mere hint of these subjects may trigger a severe and violent reaction, causing irreparable damage to his rehabilitation.

 

   If he, at dinner, yells “CHOWTIME”, orders you to line up in 5 meter intervals and asks you for a meal card or $1.50, tell him you forgot it and will bring it tomorrow. Be constantly on alert when he is in the presence of beautiful women, who live in the immediate area, for he might try to bargain with the girl next door for a “SHORT-TIME”. And finally, if he says “CUTTA”, simply leave quickly and calmly because the word means not less than “GET THE (FILL IN YOUR OWN WORD) OUT OF HERE!!!”. Treat him with kindness, patience, and more than the occasional fifth of good booze.

 

  Last but not least, send no more mail to him after receiving this letter. Fill the refrigerator with beer and soda pops, stock the bar as if expecting a lot of company, get the street clothes out of the mothballs, fill the car with gas, have a large supply of tranquilizers in the medicine cabinet., get the children off the streets, give Rover a baseball bat, and give all the preet women fair warning, because……………

 

               T H E

                K I D

                     I S

                       C O M I N G

                                  B A C K !!!